Strong on the Outside, Overwhelmed on the Inside
Strong on the Outside, Overwhelmed on the Inside:
Strategies for Strong Women Who Carry a Lot
You show up
You push hard
You handle whatever is thrown at you.
You carry work, family, responsibilities, and still find time to crush it. You’re the person people rely on to get sh*t done.
Others look at you and think “she has it all together” and on the outside- absolutely. What people don’t see is the mental load you’re carrying, the pressure of getting things done, the feeling that things will fall apart if you’re not in control, that your nervous system is constantly on overdrive . It’s the women who seem like they have it together that are carrying the most.
Strength isn’t just a physical metric, emotional regulation is a strength too.
Part 1: For when you just need to take a moment
1: box breathing (for a quick reset)
Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds. Hold for 4 seconds.
Exhale through your mouth for 4 seconds. Hold for 4 seconds. Repeat.
Want to take it further? Continue to inhale and hold for 4 seconds but instead, exhale for 6 seconds. The longer exhale will enhance your body’s relaxation.
2: 54321 (for grounding)
Identify 5 things you can see, and note them in detail
Identify 4 things you can feel, and note the sensation it creates
Identify 3 things you can hear
Identify 2 things you can smell
Identify 1 thing you taste
3: Cold Exposure (for when emotions are high)
Exposure to a cold stimulus can activate your parasympathetic (aka, your rest and digest state), and will shift your body out of the sympathetic nervous system (aka, your fight-or-flight response) (Mäkinen et al., 2008)
How do you do this?
Splash or dunk your face in cold water- especially around your eyes, cheekbones, and forehead
Use a cool wash cloth (or water bottle, icepack, etc) to your chest or back of your neck
Briefly go outside in cold temperatures
4: Intensive Exercise (You already know this one)
High Intensity interval training decreases anxiety by releasing endorphins, improves your circulation and breathing, regulates cortisol, and decreases inflammation- all of these things ease feelings of stress and anxiety! (Wang et al., 2025)
Part 2: Lowering Your Baseline for Stress
Walking or stretching on a regular basis
Brief physical activity, including low to moderate exercise has been shown to reduce anxiety and improve mood (Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 2026)
What does this look like?
A quick 10 minute walk on your break
Taking the stairs instead of the elevator
Parking your car a little further away from the building entrance
Taking 30 seconds to stretch your neck and shoulders
Connect with someone who feels calming
Sometimes even talking to a person who feels like a calm, grounded presence can be beneficial. This process is called co-regulation and comes from the idea that we are social beings and our nervous system is impacted by others and behavioural cues they are providing. If you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed, it can be helpful to connect with a person who makes you feel good (Trauma Therapist Institute, 2025)
Journaling
Journalling or doing a “brain-dump” can be helpful for alleviating your mental load! In fact, research shows that those who write a to-do list before bed had reduced anxiety and rumination. Even better, it can help you fall asleep faster because you’re not thinking about all the things that still need to get done (Scullin et al., 2018).
Pro-tip: Journaling doesn't need to be fancy- type out your list in your notes app or leave a pen and scrap piece of paper by your bed, it’ll still have the same effect.
Part 3: Long term ways to maintain emotional capacity
PLEASE (take care of yourself!)
While supporting our emotional wellbeing, we also want to make sure we’re taking care of our body’s physical health. We’re already doing all the right things, like exercising but here’s a few other ways to maintain your health.
PL- treat Physical Illness - take breaks when you feel unwell, see your doctor as needed, don’t try to push through if you are sick or injured.
E- balanced Eating - eat regularly, don’t skip meals, drink some water.
A- limit avoid mood altering substances- non-prescribed drugs and alcohol can increase feelings of anxiety and depression. Limit or avoid when you can.
S- Sleep- prioritize sleep when you can whether you go to bed early, or get a nap in when you can.
E- exercise, we know this one already! Engaging in any type of physical activity is beneficial to your overall mental health.
(Linehan, 2015)
Conclusion:
You can be strong and still feel overwhelmed. You also don't have to carry everything on your own. If you’re feeling like you could use more support in this area, this is exactly the kind of work I help women with. Support can make a difference and I’m here if you feel ready to reach out.
