Love Languages for Teens: Physical Touch

To be touched in a loving, consensual way is so incredibly powerful and necessary in our daily lives. Touch communicates positive emotions, reduces stress, creates feelings of trust, social connection, and bonding. Humans are wired for physical connection! This is why infants need skin-to-skin contact, our children need hugs, and our romantic relationships require physical contact (Chapman, 2010). What about teenagers though, do they fall into this category? The answer is yes!

Physical touch with teenagers will look different compared to when they were kids. When they were younger, covering your kiddos with kisses, hugging them, tickling them were all appropriate. Now that they're older, getting this need met might look a little different. The secret to navigating physical touch with teenagers is the timing! (Chapman, 2010) Here are things to be mindful of:

Mood:

Whether or not your touch will be accepted is based on your teenager's mood. Navigating this will require some detective work, parents! When are the moments where your teenager has received some form of physical touch from you? Another way to figure out your teen's mood is through their body language, is their body closed off? (i.e., legs crossed, arms crossed, standing far away from you) or open? (i.e., limbs are uncrossed, the body looks relaxed, maybe standing close by) (Chapman, 2010).

Place:

The best place for teens to accept touch is in the privacy of their homes. They are not as open to receiving a hug from their mom or a high-five from their dad in front of their peers or in public. As teenagers enter this stage of their life, they begin to desire more independence and begin to find their self-identity. It is natural for them to want to move away from their parents to discover this. Any form of touch in others' presence can feel threatening to a teenager's independence and identity. Teenagers may accept physical touch while in the presence of other family members, but not all will. Be mindful of your teenager's reaction if you do try to touch them in front of the family (Chapman, 2010).

Types of Touch:

Some teenagers may only be willing to accept certain types of physical touch. They may prefer pats on the back or a hand on their shoulder rather than big hugs. If you know that your teenagers love language is physical touch but is particular about how they receive it. In that case, it will require some detective work from the parent to determine this (Chapman, 2010). Be willing to be flexible and curious about how your teenager wants this need to be filled.

Parents Mood:

Parents, it is crucial to be mindful of our own moods when meeting this need. If we slap our teenager on the back when we are upset with them, your teen may perceive it negatively. If we withhold hugs or cuddles from our teenagers because we are angry, it can feel emotionally devastating to our teenagers. Dr. Chapman says: "when speaking this love language, always do so at the appropriate time and in the appropriate place. Otherwise, it will not be interpreted as love." (2010, p. 64)

If you or your teen want more information about love languages, or if you want to help strengthen the bond between yourself and your teenager then contact me to find a time to connect. The next love language to be discussed in this blog series is quality time, stay tuned!

References:

Chapman, G. D., Dr. (2010). 5 Love Languages of Teenagers: The Secret to Loving Teens Effectively. Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing.